The Dream Team takes on Zephyr Lodge and Loses

Zephyr Lodge

The Dream Team, Katherine, Marty, Blanche and myself headed out of Xela for Lanquin and Zephyr Lodge.  Zephyr Lodge is located in the beautiful temperate forest of Guatemala.  We arrived after 11 hours of travel, tired but excited.  We were greeted by Dieter, a short Guatemalan guy who spoke perfect English, with an English accent.  This was all in the midst of a bar atmosphere, loud, with many drunk Australians.  Dieter was also drunk, this should have been the first clue to the atmosphere of this place, but we were determined to stay until Marty had to return to Sydney in 6 nights.   The only saving grace of our extended stay was that the fourth night was free and the fifth day was happy hour all day.

Katherine and Marty relaxing

I set up my tent, a little worried because we saw a huge tarantula on our way to the lodge.  You only live once, so up it went.  We regrouped at the bar, accessed the situation and realized that we were in trouble.  Once again, you only live once!  An early night was in order, long day of travel means weary people.  This is the timeline for the next six days:

Wizard Sticks

Day 1:  There are really only two things to do in Lanquin, go tubing on the river or go to Sumac Champey.  We decided for our first day to enjoy the amazing mountain views and relax.  I woke and ran into my friend Jordy.  He told me I should take a shower, I thought "I shouldn't smell that bad, but he might know more than me."  So, I went to the shower and realized, it wasn't me it was the shower.  The shower is open, facing the view.  Best shower I have ever had, the water was even hot, oh paradise in the mountains had been found!!  The rest of the day was spent in hammocks, lounging and enjoying life.  Then the tubing crew got back, a bit drunk and ready for Australia Day part I.

Marty on the river

How many Australians can you fit in a Tok-Tok?

What you ask is Australia Day?  I do not know, I have been part of a it few in my travels but I have never gotten a straight answer on why Australians loose their minds on this particular day.  Katherine explained that it is the day that Captain Cook landed on the island and claimed that it was sovereign land.  Others had other ideas that actually made no sense, so I am sticking to Katherine's story.  It was time for a beer and apparently to town for fireworks.  Dieter, Marty, three other rather drunk Australians and myself were sent on the journey.  Two hours later we return with bags full of what I would call illegal fireworks, made in China my ass.  At this point the first member of the Dream Team became ill.  Blanche had developed a stomach bug, both ends, not good.  Off to bed she went, and then there were three. 

Katherine with dog

One of the Australian traditions is to play a game called Wizard Sticks.  Basically you drink canned beer and as you finish them, you duct tape them together end to end.  The point of the game is to drink your height in beer to become a wizard.  Marty, without asking me started taping my beers together, thank you Marty.  As the night progressed, it was time to get our wizard costumes together, and prepare to say "You Shall Not Pass,"  that is all I wanted to do.  The problem was that I did not tape the first four beers of the day to my stick, so I failed as a wizard by one beer can.  Loose.

The happy couple!

Day 2:  Blanche was still out for the count.  The remaining three were feeling a bit slow, but went to bed earlier than most so we were a bit more alive than others.  Today was tubing day, and Australia Day part II.  Why another Australia Day, because the night before we celebrated Australia Day in Australia.  Today we celebrate Australia Day in Guatemala, which is 24 hours ahead of Australia.  Tubing was incredible, beer, turquoise waters and sun.  Two hours on a river, getting to know people at the Lodge and having fun.

Entering the cave

Back to the Lodge for a nap.  Yes, hot tent, sun beaming down on it, just what I needed...sweat lodge.  Apparently while I was sleeping, more fireworks were bought.  By the way, Guatemalan fireworks are not safety first, there were a few burns the night before, as there was going to be more in the future.  Day two of Australia Day got a bit bizarre.  There was an Australian couple that was planning on getting married when they got back to Australia.  Well, it was Australia Day, they were in Guatemala and there was a guy there named Hobbit that is an ordained Reverend.  You see were this went.  I married them, there was a wedding party with bizarre signs on their chests and it has become legend.  The bride and groom wore signs that said "We are getting married Bitches!"  Yes, it was the most Australian ceremony I have ever preformed.  I hope that the happy couple, Stephanie and Duncan, are enjoying their honeymoon!!

Semuc Chempey

Day 3:  Our free night.  Finally, the majority of Australians left and the Lodge was a bit more peaceful.  The day was spent relaxing, eating, drinking fruit smoothies and reading.  As the evening approached  beers were drank, but the new crowd was a bit more mellow.  Kathrine and I called it a night.  It seems Marty did not, oh to be 21 again.  What do you get when an Australian, an Englishman, a Guatemalan and a Kiwi take Tequila shots past bar close?  A complete disaster!!  Without going into any details, let's just say this was Marty's last stand.

Swimming through the pools...in the rain!

Day 4:  Happy hour day.  What to do on our happy hour day....tubing!!  Blanche was still out, Marty was barely moving but Kathrine and I (the adults in the group) we ready.  We were able to wrangle Marty out of his bed.  Another great sunny day on the river, and another wonderful nap.  Although, Marty never woke up from his nap, and then there were two.

It was happy hour day, and I saw no reason to let it slip through my hands.  Luckily, it was a mellow night, which ended before bar close.  Although it was later then planned, shocker!!

The view from Zephyr

Day 5:  Our last day, and Sumac Champey day had arrived!!  Blanche and Marty actually felt good enough to go on the journey.  I had a bit of a hangover but was ready and Katerine felt like roses.  This tour involves caving and witnessing one of the many natural wonders of Guatemala.

We start with the caving, this was definitely not an OSHA approved activity.  There is a river that runs through this cave, it has eroded it down and you can explore it.  Caves are dark, so those ingenious Guatemalan's figured candles!!  I thought a flashlight would be best, but candles seems to be a more adventurous way of doing things.  I actually turned out to be amazing with candles.  We swam with our candles, we climbed with our candles, we slid down small openings and climbed a waterfall.  Two hours in total and it was great!!   Blanche and Marty made it 5 minutes, and then there were still  two.

Next activity, jump off tall things into the river.  First a rope swing, then a bridge over said river.  Both were way to high for my ever present phobia of heights, I bowed out along with Cheyney from Canada.  We watched as these idiots jumped.  Katherine is a jumping machine, we found if you give the option to jump, she will do it, regardless of height!

This is why you stay at Zephyr Lodge!!

Next the climb to the mirador over Semuc Champey.  Semuc Champey is a natural 300 meter bridge over Cahabon River.  The water flowing over it from the adjacent mountain is turquoise, making the whole natural beauty of the place amazing.  The mirador view was amazing, but it was raining, which kind of dampened the experience.  We than went to the bridge and our guide swam us through the pools.  It might have been raining and cold, but it was still amazing.  They day ended with dinner and the lodge and an early night.  We left the next day, without Marty, but we left...thank God!!

Thank you to the Zephyr Lodge staff for an fun filled and a bit insane week!  Highly recommended for those headed to the beautiful mountains in Lanquin, Guatemala!!